I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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