I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I could make wine with my vomit
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
