Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
