Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
