This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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