can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
