Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
