I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You smell like stripper and shame
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
