I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
