i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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