Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
