im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
