I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
