I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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