yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
