party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I touched a dick in church today
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
