they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
