I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
