If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
