I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
