I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
