he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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