I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
