Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
