After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
