Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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