we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
