Man, jail baloney is awful.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
