bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
