Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Green mimosas i think yes
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
