i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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