i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
