I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
smell my finger.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
