Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
