i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
