so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
