the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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