you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
