I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
