My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
