Screwed.edu
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
