i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
