I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
