i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I want a musical about memes.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize