when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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