Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
