I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
