I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
try to milk me bitch
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