you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
