You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
