you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i used baking grease as lip gloss
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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