my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
