you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
