I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Two words: blizzard sex
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
