If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
