totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
