walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
