is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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