Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
