Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
