I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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