I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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