I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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