All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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