if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
