My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
