be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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