if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
