someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize