naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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